I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
