you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
