What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
