I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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