I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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