Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
