No stitches, just platelets and will power
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
