im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
