Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
