you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
