Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
