still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
