coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize