She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i drank out of a bidet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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