I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
