y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
