He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
