Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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