12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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