Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
zippers are such a cool invention
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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