we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
