I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
