Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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