Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
