Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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