Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
