If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
