I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
