the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
