and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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