i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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