I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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