Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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