So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
