I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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