i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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