You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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