Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
