Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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