i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
