It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
