so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
