I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize