wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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