No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
