Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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