my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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