..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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