You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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