where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
