I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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