Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
