ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
