He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
