if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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