I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
