Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
