I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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