I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize