you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
