sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
