i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i've created a new STD.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
