I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
