Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize