I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
