i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
