the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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