My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
