I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
