My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My vagina just clenched in fear
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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