We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
