So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
