She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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