I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
