Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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